All aboard the LA Kings goofball train

The Kings’ back-to-back Titanic impersonations in the series versus the San Jose Sharks so far has kind of bummed us out. When that happens, we tend to search for silly Kings items to laugh about together. Finding something fun about the Kings seemed like it could be a challenge, but luckily Jarret Stoll was recently on duty behind the scenes for the NHLPA. Thank goodness we both missed these two videos when they were first posted, because then we’d have nothing pointless to pick apart now.

The Kings team travels from Philadelphia to Washington, DC via train, and Stoll is ON IT:

 
There are so many important things to note here that it’s tough to even figure out where to begin. So let’s just start right at the top, because it’s wonderful that Stoll starts this video by getting someone to hold his camera phone while he does a stand-up on the train.

Magic is that purple 90s sitcom font.

Then this video blows everyone away by first speaking with Alec Martinez, in the middle of a hot streak, and by that we mean he’s wearing glasses here on top of looking like he does all the time.

“Stay hot, Marty!” Stoll says before he leaves, like there’s any chance Martinez won’t. Please.

There’s some Martin Jones, Kyle Clifford watching “Revenge” (for… some reason), a shot of Slava Voynov ducking the camera, and Matt Greene making faces at the camera. All of these people are using electronics of some kind, and then it pans over to this random old guy reading an actual paperback novel:

He’s so analog!

The best part of this video, however, is when Stoll takes a long trip to the rear area of their train car.

As he heads back there, Stoll says that the “wily veterans” are playing cards, but then it takes them about 800 years to answer when he asks which card game they’re playing.

What conspiracy did Stoll almost give fans a glimpse of? We ask you. What are those Kings hiding? Noted Mass Murderer Mike Richards might be struggling on the ice, but he’s at the head of the table for whatever secret plotting this ragtag group have happening.

Or maybe they’re just cagey about gambling, whatever.

Other things to note:

Trevor Lewis wears monogrammed cuffs. Neither of us even knew that was a thing, because we’re just not on Lewis’ level. Either he’s got even more style than we thought, or he’s just making sure Drew Doughty doesn’t steal his shirts at home.

Why does Jonathan Quick look like Steve Carrell from that episode of “The Office” where Michael Scott is Prison Mike?

It’s impossible to tell the difference.

The disappearing and reappearing of Jeff Carter’s false teeth has made us laugh all season, mostly to do with how goofy he looks without them. Look at that face! The only thing better than this screenshot is the only real highlight from the pre-game meal NHLPA insider video where Carter says “legsagna” like an 8-year-old instead of “lasagna” while happily gap-toothed and everyone laughs.

This is a grown man.

Be right back, clipping that section of the video to save on our phones. We’ll watch it at random and then ugly laugh in public places.

So when the Kings are possibly on their way to going down 0-3 in the Sharks series tonight, just think of these nicer, more ridiculous times instead. And, hey, if the Kings manage to surprise everyone and play like themselves again instead, then Marian Gaborik had us covered by winking while he chews and still managing to look smooth doing it.

Yeah, he should score tonight just so we can pull this out.