Fun Things To Do During Long Summers

According to the media, panic time is on the horizon. After a 4-0 loss to the Washington Capitals in the LA Kings’ 50th game played this season, the slump has caught the attention of national writers.

Yes. The first pieces about the likelihood that they make the playoffs have been published!

That stray thought aside: the Kings are gonna sort this out, right? Hole is getting awfully deep.

— Justin Bourne (@jtbourne) February 4, 2015

The Kings are in trouble.

— Adam Gretz (@AGretz) February 4, 2015

At what point are the LA Kings going to flick that switch and look like the Stanley Cup champions?Darryl Sutter is helluva coach, but…

— Jim Matheson (@NHLbyMatty) February 4, 2015

Are the Kings a playoff team? Can they turn it around like always? And the trade deadline plan with Slava Voynov: http://t.co/3Zf6uClb3D

— Dave Lozo (@DaveLozo) February 4, 2015

Kings can't afford any more clunkers http://t.co/fHQPviwkui

— L.A. Times Sports (@latimessports) February 5, 2015

Hey remember when "That 70s Line" was a witty name for LA Kings players and not the over/under on the LA Kings season point total?

— Idris Elbow (@PopsTwitTar) February 4, 2015

That last one obviously isn’t a media person who covers hockey. It’s just an on-point burn.

The Kings’ troubles haven’t come out of nowhere. THXBUD wrote about how the 2014-15 Kings have been losing even more that the 2011-12 Kings. Others have broken down the differences in the Kings’ defense this year and noted that Jonathan Quick’s play during the Winter contributed to the team falling into a hole during a time when they should have been winning more games.

The reasons for the struggles haven’t been consistent throughout the season, but there’s always been something. Now the Kings are 12th in the Western Conference and climbing back into the playoff picture is beginning to look shaky.

Hard Times Cafe pic.twitter.com/6j6yMvKWYF

— LA Kings (@LAKings) February 4, 2015

While the Kings drop, other Pacific Division teams are still collecting points. It also doesn’t help that the Dallas Stars seem to have righted their ship and are contending for a wild card berth. Even the Colorado Avalanche have won more games. The Kings don’t have too many homes games left this season and they’ve greatly underachieved on the road so far.

Should the worst happen, it’s been a while since Kings fans have had to figure out what to do during the springtime. The good news is that, if the Kings can’t get it together in the next 32 games, we’ve already started thinking about ideas:

• Spring cleaning. You probably haven’t found an opportunity to organize all your Kings memorabilia in the last three years, because the Kings just keep making deep playoff runs. Take some time for yourself this year. Decide where to hang those banners in your home. Figure out which room allows the sunlight to hit your replica Stanley Cups just right. Finally buy the perfect mantle displays for your two replica rings.
• Scrapbooking. Similarly, finally cut up those magazines and newspapers proudly declaring the Kings the Stanley Cup winners. Make sure to also include a section honoring Cup-era heroes lost like Rob Scuderi, Willie Mitchell, and Mike Richards. Don’t forget to leave room for 2016.
• Easter Egg hunt. When’s the last time you participated in one of these? Fun for the whole family. You and yours can paint eggs with Kings designs and hide them all over. Include “+2” and “+1” on the eggs so that you can pretend to recover all the standings points the Kings couldn’t find.
• Coachella. The music festival is already sold out, but you can use all that money you were saving up for the 2015 playoff games to get something through resale. Drake is one of the headliners, and he’s a fan of every sports team. He’s probably going to debut an entire album dedicated to Leafs heartbreak any day now. You can be among the first listeners.
• Bourgie day trips. Hello! This is Southern California! Go to Catalina. Spend an afternoon enjoying Malibu Wines. Have brunch every weekend and eat so much pricey chilaquiles washed down with bottomless mimosas that you need to spend the second half of May hiking up to Griffith Observatory in your Shape-ups. Stand on top of that dang mountain, shout “THE LOS ANGELES KINGS WON THE STANLEY CUP TWICE IN THREE YEARS AND THEN FINISHED IN THE BOTTOM THREE IN THE WEST!!” and demand the universe just finish you off right then. How much more can your heart take?
  

  Fall to the ground as you scream. Cry until the California drought is happening right on your face. Realize that this is Los Angeles. Realize that most people are still more concerned about how embarrassing the Lakers are. Get up. It’s okay. You’ll be okay.

• Gay Pride. The Kings threw two different parades last year, so going from that to none could be pretty rough. Luckily the LA Pride parade happens in early June every year, and there’s enough purple confetti and streamers that it’s basically the same thing. Wear your jersey and some booty shorts. Work it like a champion.

KINGS @ PANTHERS
Thursday, February 5th
4:30PM PST

Oh, yeah, the Kings play the Florida Panthers today. Willie Mitchell’s new team has the exact same number of points as LA but one more win and one less game played. The Kings are a better team, but they’re going to do what they want out there.